A very difficult reality

Yesterday I witnessed first-hand the escalating violence and the absence of the rule of law here in Nicaragua. As I was leaving the office, which is just a block down the road from the Presidential offices, a group of about 20 college students were protesting in the street in front of Canal 4 (the pro-Sandinista news station). The kids had signs saying things like 'Against the violence' and 'Against the Dictatorship.' Not a minute later several large men came charging through. They didn't say anything. They just started ripping the signs out of their hands, shoving the students, and punching them. The students didn't try to fight back. I tried to call the police, but no one answered. I tried getting other bystanders to call the police, but no one was moving. I guess I forgot that the police are controlled by Ortega too. I knew that they were corrupt at times, but I had no idea how endemic it's become. People don't even attempt to ask the government for help. They fear the government. I felt so helpless. I just had to keep walking away for my own safety.

Even though I knew that it was bad here and that the basic civil liberties and rule of law that we take for granted in a democracy were under siege, it was a whole different experience to have it in my face like that. It's such a helpless feeling knowing that if something happens to me, I can't call the police. The police are just as likely to hurt me as help me. Later that evening on the news, I saw how bad it got after I left. The men were beating the kids with belts. No one will be prosecuted for their actions, and the pro-Sandinista news station reported that the students had been throwing rocks at the other men and had provoked the assault. It's all lies. There is no freedom of expression or freedom of the press.

Before that happened, I visited this school that is receiving zero funds from the government. I had to hike in across muddy slopes and garbage to find four, unpaid teachers, trying to teach homeless kids, abused kids, kids with disabilities, without desks, without books, papers, pencils, without anything. One of their classrooms doesn't even have a fourth wall and the rain is pouring through. After interviewing them, they showed me around the tiny building, and told the students that I was there to help them. All these precious, dirty little faces gave me their biggest smiles and, standing up, cried, 'Gracias!!!' My heart was breaking.

Every day it is difficult for me not to be consumed by the depressing reality here. Yesterday was particularly difficult.

Although I am very passionate about my work and am committed to completing it, I must confess that I am homesick and am anxious for the day when I can come home for good. Today I have exactly eight weeks left before I leave for the States. I am very relieved. I will still have to come back to Nicaragua after Christmas, but it feels good knowing that a long break is on the way.

In about two weeks I leave for another town called Esteli. It's about two hours away, and I'll be living in a simple 'hotel' near the town square. I am very much looking forward to having my own space again, and having the freedom to walk about as I please. (Managua's not exactly a 'let's go for a walk' kind of place.)